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    Food and Drink@ WorkLivingLIFE STYLE HOMESex and RomanceFamily MattersBeautyStyleLife
    When sex becomes a bargaining tool

    Why do you make love? For pleasure? To express yourself? To satisfy your sex drive? All these possibilities are valid and probably vary according to your mood or the time of day. But have you ever used sex for less noble means?

     
    Gathered around the table are three friends: Eve, a 34-year-old divorced lawyer; Martha, a 38-year-old legal secretary, married with two children; Sylvia, 29 years old, single with one child. All three agreed to tell the whole truth, and nothing but the truth! Punctuated with laughs, silences and more than a few pregnant pauses, the conversation is animated. Sylvia is first, and she goes straight to the heart of the subject: "Yes, there were cases in the past where I made love not because I felt like it but because my boyfriend was angry. I didn't want it to last three days!"

    The confession comes as no surprise to sexologist Louise-Andrée Saulnier. "Making love to get peace happens more frequently than we think," she explains. But why act this way?

    Psychologist Micheline Dubé gives us her version of the facts: "Pouting and muttering for three days is a kind of childish control that the man tries to have over his partner. When a woman reacts by making love to him, she attempts to reverse the roles and to take control of the situation. But it's just a short-term solution."

    An old story

    Using sex as a bartering tool is hardly a new phenomenon. Aristophanes, father of Greek comedy, created the character of Lysistrata in 400 B.C. In his eponymous play, the heroine gathers every woman of the Attic and the principal cities of antique Greece, which were at war.

    She made them swear that they will refuse their bodies to their husbands until there is peace. The war was won by women! Lysistrata's persistence triumphed and the two warring Greek cities were quick to negotiate a treaty.

    Of course, in Aristophanes' comedy, the cause was noble. But today, the currency of sex is a bit questionable.

    "Instead of immediately saying that it's unhealthy, we look to history to explain this behaviour," Saulnier suggests. "In the past, it was noticed that the more a group was denied power, the more it tried to create a balance and find other sources of power where it could. Being a means within reach, sex has always represented a way to exploit the powerful."

    Another historical example occurred in World War II France. During the German occupation, many French women had relations with German men to obtain favours. In exchange, they had decent room and board and were permitted to continue raising their children. "The use of sex as a commodity cannot be separated from its context," specifies the sexologist. "Women did not get to that point simply for straight manipulation, but for historical, political and economic reasons."



  • 1- When sex becomes a bargaining tool
  • 2- Subliminal messages
  • 3- Sexual starvation
  • 4- Don't let it become a habit
  • 5- How to settle conflicts



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