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In her book, Gallagher suggests married couples be treated differently than cohabiting couples, that marriage changes people's goals and behaviours, and that divorce be seen as a tragic event to be avoided, especially if there are children. "A bad marriage is not a fact," she says. "It's a judgment that one person makes about a future that can change." About 30% of divorces are in high conflict marriages and 70% are low conflict marriages, says Reed. "It is these 70% that need to be addressed and given options other than leaving. Marital satisfaction is at its lowest when teenage children are in the house." But teenagers grow up and out and a rocky relationship can smooth out." According to Robin Lesner, who has been married 20 years and has four children, "There is a major difference between marriage and living together. "It has a lot to do with the level of commitment to the marriage itself. Matrimony sustains love "When you get married, you make a very public statement. You have to have respect for the union, the institution of marriage and you make choices based on what's good for the marriage, not just what's good for you or good for him." Reed is convinced that marriage is better, and that divorce and cohabitation are bad -- for women, children, and even men, who just won't admit it. "Men, without the responsibility and commitment of stabilized relationships, develop anti-social behaviours," he says. Though there are many long, successful cohabitations, statistics show marriage still has a better track record. "We think love sustains marriage, but, in fact, marriage sustains love," says Reed. "We will fall in and out of love with our partners six or seven times in a long-term marriage, but if we check out of a long-term marriage, we miss the benefits of the long-term."
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