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If you get bogged down in the process of writing an ad, start by letting your subconscious do all the work: just jot down all the things that come to mind when you think of a potential mate, and what you consider your best points to be. Once you've laid the groundwork, refining your ad is relatively easy. Cavlo and her co-author, Laurence Minisky, recommend keeping three things in mind when writing and responding to a personals ad: 1. What kind of person are you looking for? We all have a list of traits we want in a partner. These traits can be anything from "kind and sensitive" to a "non-smoker who likes children under the age of four." 2. What kind of person are you? Make a list of words that describe you, then select the words that really paint a picture about who you are -- the ones that make a reader see, hear, smell, and taste who you are. By doing this, "generous" becomes "volunteer reader for the blind," and "loves to cook," becomes "you'll love my sun-dried tomato lasagna." 3. What level of commitment are you looking for? If you clarify the level of commitment and intimacy you're looking for, you'll target the people who are looking for the same type of relationship. Being straightforward about what you want ensures you don't get involved with someone with a different agenda than yours. And don't respond to ads with an incompatible level of commitment, no matter how interesting the person sounds. Once you've written your masterpiece, you must decide where to place it. "Opportunities as to where you should place your ad are growing daily," says Minisky. "A way to choose where to best place your ad is to look at the publication's target readership. If it's important to you to date someone who lives close by, place an ad in the local newspaper, or on your supermarket bulletin board. If you'd like to date a single father, seek out a single-parent's newsletter or website, and so on. If you place your ad in the wrong place, you'll have a hard time finding the right person for you." The cost of placing a personal ad can range from free to hundreds of dollars. If your budget allows, place your ad in a publication you read or website you visit yourself. Responding to an ad is a kind of advertisement in its own right. Use the same three criteria (above) to introduce yourself to the person who placed the ad. Refer to something about the ad you particularly liked, so the recipient knows that you're responding to him or her specifically -- that you're not just sending form letters to everyone.
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