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 MONEY AND SECURITY |
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The next exercise for debunking this myth
is as follows:
- Imagine something you could be doing with
your life that wouldn't involve a lot of money but that would enhance
your self-esteem or sense of self-worth.
- Write down a description of this activity
or situation.
Bear in mind that for the time-being you're under no pressure to take
action; just imagine this scenario. At some future time, you may want
to take a concrete step towards your goal.
If you lose your job suddenly, it's in your best interest to discard
the belief that money equals self-worth as quickly as possible. Tina's
story will illustrate what I mean by this statement. Recently, she
came to me for therapy after receiving notice that she was being laid
off at work. Though she admitted that the job she held had been unsatisfying
for the last two years, and that in her heart she knew it was time
to move on, she was reeling from the shock of being laid off with
two weeks' notice. She was doubting her abilities and feeling shaken
in her self-esteem because her salary was removed abruptly and she
was soon to be out of work. It took only a few sessions to help Tina
disconnect her feelings of self-worth from this work trauma and start
to reconnect with her real sense of energy and passion in work. Within
a month, she was volunteering in a field she loved but had not had
time to pursue. Within three months, she had been offered a position
in that new, more creative arena. The beginning salary was slightly
lower than that in her old job, but she felt no decrease in self-esteem.
Quite the contrary: working in an area she loved increased her confidence
and zest for life.
Since none of us had perfect parents, we go through life with holes
in our psyches. We try to fill in the gaps through our jobs (as in
Tina's case), our other achievements, our possessions, and, for some
of us, by trying to make more and more money. But I believe the only
way of truly enhancing our self-esteem and self-worth is to keep on
working to fulfill more and more of our potential: to strive to be
the best we can be in the areas of our life in which we feel passion
and commitment. If we attach self-worth to the vagaries of the financial
marketplace, we will be standing on shaky ground indeed. And the temporary
admiration of others at our financial success can never fill us up
over time in the same way that our own self-love and self-respect
will.
Money = Security
Money equals security is a very prevalent myth in our society, even
though we tend to be a society of spenders rather than savers. Who
among us does not believe, to a certain extent, that money is one
of the main things that will provide us with some security, especially
in our old age? This money myth, like all the others, contains some
kernel of truth. We do need enough financial security to make us feel
at ease about our ability to take care of ourselves and our loved
ones. But believing this money myth and investing too much emotional
energy in it can be potentially destructive and even paralyzing.
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