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Eliminating
financial misery
This article is about evaluating your
expenses. It's important to make reasonable decisions when facing divorce.
Are you willing to change your spending patterns and live at a reduced
lifestyle in return for not having to live with your spouse anymore? This
is a critical question. It doesn't make sense to trade one kind of misery
for another kind. You don't have to live in financial misery after divorce
if you:
Can negotiate a reasonable settlement
Can adjust your spending patterns so you don't tap into your assets,
however minuscule they look
Can take responsibility for some of the financial
issues (this may mean getting a better job, or even just a job).
What about the kids?
Let the kids help, and tell them the truth. Parents often hate to deprive
their children of the designer jeans and shoes they've been getting.
Instead, they go without other necessities to avoid letting the kids
know the difficulties of the financial situation. This is insanity.
Our experiences are that when the kids are part of the financial decision-making
and are privy to the income and expenses of the household, wondrous
things can happen. The "gimmes" that are so prevalent, especially when
parents attempt to soften the emotional blow of divorce by buying things,
almost vanish. Your kids can be incredible troupers at wanting to help
cut costs and make things work. It becomes a game for them. That's what
brought Carol and her teenaged daughter Marie together.
After the divorce, Marie lived with her mom during the summers and with
her dad the rest of the year in another state. Carol was ashamed of
how little money her job was paying. In desperation, she had no choice
but to share her financial situation with her daughter. She just couldn't
afford all the teenage things Marie wanted. But what Carol thought was
an embarrassment turned into an adventure. Carol would come home from
work and find that Marie had found a bargain at the grocery store and
had whipped up dinner for just a few dollars. Marie was so proud the
day she found a bookcase at a garage sale that she knew her mother needed.
All summer long, they found bargains and were able to laugh at their
creativity.
Contrast that with the situation with Stella and her son, Josh. Stella
was too proud to share her financial situation with Josh. When she grew
up, her family didn't talk about money -- it was not the proper thing
to do. The end result was that she and Josh would argue over every purchase
he wanted to make, creating a real strain in their relationship. He
was convinced that his mother was a real miser and didn't care about
his wants and needs. Or Stella would give in and buy the designer clothes
for him instead of paying her credit-card bill. Her money woes only
deepened, and her relationship with Josh worsened.
Whose shoes would you rather be in: Stella's or Carol's? The choice
is yours.
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