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Relative sanity
Guests have a responsibility to make sure their visit goes smoothly
and that they don't overstay their welcome.
Here are some tips from Nancy McCalder, vice-president of program
development for the Family Centre:
Stay: Ask if it's all right if you come and what length of time
works for your hosts. Unless you're travelling a very long distance,
a four-day visit is best. If your stay is longer than a week,
take a side trip to give your hosts a break.
Help: Buy groceries, help cook, offer to clean up (and definitely
clean up after yourselves) and ask what else needs to be done.
Buy your hosts dinner. If food is ordered in, toss in your fair
share of cash. Babysit their kids.
Don't take over: Pitching in doesn't mean rearranging the cupboards
to your liking or offering unsolicited parenting advice.
Independence day: Don't expect your hosts to give you daily
tours. Go sightseeing on your own to give everyone space.
Your kids: If you have kids, make sure you clean up after them
and that they're well behaved. If they're fussy eaters, bring
food with you so meal-time isn't an issue. Make sure they have
lots of play time out of the house. Take your hosts' kids along
with your own for a play day.
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"The delivery is really important when you're having these conversations.
'It's not a good time for me right now because this and this is going
on in my life,' as opposed to 'I don't want you to come,' "she adds.
Those who have guests from abroad or even flying across the country have
a difficult time cutting back a visit, given the distance travelled. In
such cases, McCalder suggests everyone head out of town for a few days.
It's a valid destination and gives everyone a break since the parties
will stay in separate rooms.
Another key strategy is to plan ways to get guests out of the house. Send
them off to sites on their own (or drop them off and arrange to pick them
up later) so you're not always having to entertain, an added stress.
If guests refuse to participate in activities and just want to sit, let
them. That doesn't mean you're required to sit, serve or clean up after
them, says McCalder. Don't shut down your life for your guests. Continue
activities that are important to you, such as attending exercise classes.
Continuing to work provides a break from visitors.
When guests don't offer to help, ask them to do something they enjoy,
such as gardening.
If you're upset with house guests from hell, calm down before discussing
the situation, advocates McCalder. You may have to wait till the people
have returned home so you can really think through the issues, then discuss
your concerns.
That prevents you from making comments you'll regret, says McCalder.
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