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Summer may mean lovely weekends at the lake for some, but it's also peak season for house guests from hell. They come in many forms. Perhaps it's the in-laws who toss disapproving stares at the way you run your household, or maybe your own relatives treat you as if you're running a hotel. Don't forget the friends who bring ill-behaved children for an extended stay. Sound familiar? You're not alone. If you've lived the pain, we have good news for you. Such nightmare visits are over, if you're willing to take charge. "I used to believe that people have common sense, but some don't so we need to protect ourselves and look after our needs," says Nancy McCalder, vice-president of program development for Edmonton's Family Centre. "Most of us have had a guest of some sorts where it's been tense." She knows of what she speaks. Since moving out west from Ontario more than 20 years ago, she's had plenty of family visits. Some were stressful. The most common house guest complaints involve people overstaying their visit, treating hosts as servants, parenting someone else's kids and trying to change the way the household's run, says McCalder. Establishing boundaries is the first step to avoiding a nasty visit. If house guests want to stay for two weeks and you know you'll have a meltdown after half that time, be honest and suggest a hotel stay for part of the visit. Offer a reason such as the house is too small, you have activities planned or are too busy with work. "I think you need to be straight with them so you will enjoy the stay rather than resent it," says McCalder. "I think what happens is the person receiving the company is too polite. We think we're going to hurt people's feelings. In the long run who we're really hurting is ourselves and our families." Wording and presentation is crucial when you're setting up ground rules, such as limiting the length of a visit or suggesting a hotel for the entire stay.
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