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Sole custody is attractive to some parents who perceive it as easier or less complicated for their own lives. It has been used by some as a tool to minimize contact with an ex-spouse and to exercise control over all aspects of the child's upbringing. Some parents perceive sole custody as a victory over their ex-spouse in their own personal war against him or her. Others choose it for convenience -- to have more freedom to do whatever they want, such as move to a new community or state. Sole custody chosen for these reasons is not in the best interest of the child There are situations in which sole custody is preferable or unavoidable. Some parents either disappear or do not want to be involved as a parent. Some parents are too emotionally or physically abusive to their children to be entrusted with them. Some parents are simply not good parents due to psychological problems. (In some cases, an at-risk parent can stabilize the situation by going to therapy, taking parenting classes, or participating in some other kind of intervention program. In doing so, they may make it possible to share parenting at a later date.) However, in cases other than these, there is rarely a good reason why children should not continue to be actively involved with both parents. Sole custody works against this involvement. Sole custody also has the disadvantage of creating an unequal balance of power in the relationship between the two parents. Where such power was shared prior to the breakup, now one person has complete control over matters relating to the child. This power can be abused and used arbitrarily, thereby increasing the level of conflict and discord between the parents. In addition, the child will soon become aware of this dramatic power imbalance, which can have a harmful effect on how he or she views the "weaker" parent. This affects the quality of the child's relationship with that parent and limits the parent's ability to be effective in a variety of parenting situations. Sole custody also interferes with gender role identification. For instance, a boy might see his non-custodial father as weak, and therefore identifies himself as being weak, too. A girl who sees her non-custodial father as weak identifies men in general as being weak.
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